8 Things I've Learned In 8 Years of Marriage

 Last month marked 8 years of marriage for husbae and I. Eight. years. In those eight years we have moved twice, welcomed a new baby (who is no longer a baby) begun raising a teenager, taken a few road trips, stayed up way too late, lost a sister, shed some tears, dealt with sickness and aging parents, argued about dumb stuff and laughed until we cried. It has been a wild ride full of twists, turns and stomach lurching drops we never saw coming. When I was 20 and falling in love I never imagined it would be like this. 

In the last eight years, I've learned a few things about marriage and relationships and since writing is my jam - I figured why not share some of what I've learned with you. 

Fight about what you’re fighting about. We are all guilty of arguing about one thing and a word or a look triggers us about that one time back in 2002 when you they did XYZ to piss you off/hurt your feelings. But instead of addressing it then, we “let it go” only to have it rear it’s ugly head now. Nah, son. If you’re going to fight – you need to fight fair and fight about what you’re fighting about NOW. Not what happened way back when. 

Laugh as much and as often as possible - Laughter is greater than everything. No matter how hard things get, laughter makes whatever situations life throws at you, manageable. It's hard to stay mad or frustrated when your partner can make you laugh with a simple face. It also makes the scary situations (like a death or an ailing parent) a little bit easier to process. Trust me on this one. 

Speak your mind. If you fear the outcome of your words then maybe work on your delivery / timing but holding things back or inside isn’t going to help the relationship grow so speak up! If your feelings are hurt you need to let your partner know when they hurt them otherwise it's just going to continue whether it's intentional or not. 

Develop your own interests/hobbies/habits. Listen- you’re going to need something to talk about during date night and it can’t always be about the kids or your job. Find what you are passionate about and discuss it with your partner. Even if you don’t think they really appreciate or understand.

Have sex more often and make it fun. I know, after kids it's hard for some of us women to make the time and we'd rather sleep than engage in a bedroom romp because tired, BUT in order to maintain a certain level of intimacy, sometimes you just need to do the do. And do it like you did when you were dating. Make out, get lusty in other areas than the bedroom to spark that long ago feeling. 

Go away together.
 This is inline with number Even if it’s just for one night. Travelling as a couple isn’t the same as travelling as a family. Two years ago we went away for 3 nights and it was heaven on earth. We came back rested, rejuvenated and recommitted to our parent/family life. Now we try to sneak away for a bit or send the kids away several times a year. We are all better for it. 

Be open to possibilities. This might mean stepping outside of your comfort zone but it will all be worth it. During our honeymoon we went ziplining and at the end we rappelled down the side of a mountain. I was terrified but knowing husbae was right htere to support me made it that much better and to this day it's one of our favorite stories to tell. The other side of this is finding activities you like to do together whether that's attending food festivals, golfing or jumping out of planes. That adrenaline will serve you well and be a constant reminder of your bond together. 

At the end of the day it's just y'all. When it's all said and done, no matter how many trusted and close friendships either of you have, it will be just y'all. After the kids grow up and begin to live their own lives, it's just y'all. So make it a point to enjoy each other and the life you have together. 

Cheers to eight years of marriage, twenty years of friendship and a lifetime of love and laughter together. 


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