For All The Friends I Loved Before


To all the friends I've loved before......
The ones I used to spend hours on the phone with but life and children and distance have made that seemingly impossible.
The ones I used to spend all my free time with. Those that used to come to every event we hosted. To the ones who hung in there even after kids, and countless moves and life changes. The ones I met in Mommy & Me classes as well as actual classrooms. The ones I've worked with over the years or met because of work. The ones I met online and in bathrooms.
I miss you and I hope you're well. 
I'm not sure when things changed or how. Life began to get in the way of our friendship and unlike some others, neither of us really made the effort to fix it. Or if we did it was one sided and less seemed like more so we just let it die out. Sometimes there were last ditch attempts to make it work but for whatever reason, maybe it was for the best, we didn't happen. There is no blame to be laid, this is just the way life goes and in my many years of over-analyzing relationships I know this much to be true. 

Friendships come and go. Especially among women and even more so when we become mothers. There are those that are there in your time of need at 3 a.m. when you're a new mom and have no idea what is happening with not only your body but your baby. There are the ones you eat lunch with everyday at work and know all about their family history and dynamics, the ones whose baby showers, weddings and birthdays you attend. And for a time you can't imagine your life, and how you've managed so long without them. But those relationships ebb & flow like the tide all the while helping you sustain your footing and keep you afloat. They are gems hidden in plain sight. Treasure them while you can. 

So to all the friends I loved before, Thank you for being a friend when I needed it. Thank you for being there when I felt like the world was against me and when I thought I walked on water. Some times things were fabulous and fun and other times were full of whining and sadness. Salacious gossip and memories that will never be forgotten or betrayed. Those were magical moments. 
Without you I wouldn't have made it through. 
The memories we've shared, through laughter , through tears. So many highs, so many lows that we both went through. 
Please know that I never judged you.
I hope I was there for you in the way that you needed too. I know I can be sporadic and loud and that can come off as aloof, but I hope you know that I was always there for you. An email, a text or even a ring on the phone, for you I'd pick up. 

Perhaps my ways were not what you needed and that you have since cultivated a tribe who truly understands you. 
But in the meantime just remember, like Whitney told Bobby, "I' will always love you".

Do you have any friends you've loved and lost? 


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