I've never really been one to be defined by my hair yet so many of my memories about self love/worth surround my hair.
Once upon a time I had long thick hair and it was fabulous. Then I was the unfortunate recepient of a bad perm that caused the majority of my hair to fall out. That was then 'fixed' by a "curl" or "wave nouveau" that was all the rage and my hair began to spiral downward from there. By the time the 'curl' grew out I had already had braids a couple of times and wasn't a fan of sitting for hours on end while I laid there and let someone pull my hair to it's capacity. After the curl and the braids I ended up on that creamy crack ( a perm) curling and damaging my hair all along the way. At some point I wanted a change and begged my mother to purposely cut it all off my junior year in high school.
|senior year - short hair don't care|
|10th grade - right before I cut it all off|
In the meantime in between time I still took all kinds of "hair growth vitamins" with little to no luck. It didn't help that I continued to dye my hair on a whim ( I went from blonde to red in the span of 3 months) and use the curling iron liberally.
|1st full weave!|
|postpartum luxe locks|
And then I started to get bored, it was too dark, too blah too whatever..... I wanted change. So I colored it again.
So after this last fiasco I've made a personal mission of mine to get a better handle on my tresses. I want to really learn how to take care of my hair in it's natural curly state as well as to keep it looking nice when it's pressed without doing too much damage with heating products.
I've tried out two of the most popular hair vitamins on the market and had good results so I'm excited to keep it up and see how far that gets me. But I know it's not just about the vitamins, it's about the products I use and styles I lean towards as well.
Yes, I know it's just hair. and for the most part, that's always been my philosophy to an extent. As much as I thought I wasn't, I've let my hair define how I see myself. When my hair isn't right, nothing really is. Not my clothes, my makeup, I just feel 'off'. This past Christmas was the straw that broke the camels back for me. I knew my hair wasn't up to snuff but seeing it in photos and realizing that day that NOTHING I did could hide my thinning edges was not only sad but embarrassing.
I could wax on endlessly about my hair, black hair and our history with our hair that makes it such a PROCESS and BIG DEAL but I've gone on long enough. The point is, I know I'm not my hair but I can't help but wonder how this next step in my journey will change how I see myself yet again.
Do you have any hair struggles you've been dealing with?