Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Cracking the Code


i would have to agree :)

Making "mommy friends" is kind of a rite of passage in motherhood and can be a bit tough at times.
Some friendships come easy, your friends simply have kids and you all hang out, or you meet some ladies in your church group/lamaze classa. Others are a bit harder to get through to.
The mom's who's kids are in activities with yours or the even scarier 'school mom' set.
If you're not terribly outgoing it can be quite daunting and a little bit unnerving.....
Here's how I "cracked the code"
I've finally gotten "in" with all the cool 'school moms' who hang out together during afternoon pickup and by hang out I mean we stand in the scorching sun rolling a stroller back and forth or admonishing  toddler while waiting for the older kids to be dismissed.
When we first moved here I noticed there seemed to be a lot of moms who were friends with each other. And not just 'hey how ya doin' friends but like actually hung out together.
I was definitely an outsider in my cut-off shorts and wife beater tanks.
Then I got a job and it was no longer any concern of mine. I would see them at Family Fun Night laughing and joking while their kids ran around and I did feel a little isolated but no worries. I was a working mama surrounded by stylish and interesting people each day right? Right.
Then I went on maternity leave and became part of the 'after school set'.
But I still didn't know anyone.
I felt like I was in junior high/ high school all over again trying to make friends.
 Well, let's be honest I wasn't trying that hard. One of the ladies was pregnant as well and had her son about a month before Baby Ninja. I was in awe of how cute she was each day and didn't even look uncomfortable. I on the other hand, felt like I'd swallowed a basketball and was doing my best to maintain some semblance of style when all I really wanted to do was stay in my pajamas.
Then I had the boy and we decided I should stay home and it suddenly became clear that this suburban haze I was in, this was my life now.
It started slowly. A smile here, a quick hello there. Slowly but surely we began to connect over our new babies (is he smiling? are you breastfeeding?) etc.  One of the other ladies told me how cute she thought I was whilst pregnant. I was floored and deeply flattered. Then school ended.
And I spent the summer doing the family thing. 
But before I knew it school was back in session and suddenly I was a carpooling mama ( I pick up Sweet Pea's BFF and her brother) with an infant in the back! When did this become my life?
Each day whilst waiting for the older children the 'school moms' and I would chat and learn just a little bit more about each other. They all knew each other of course. I was the new kid on the block. Slowly I was breaking in.
However, I never knew any one's name! You know how you can just strike up a conversation with someone for awhile but don't ever ask their name? No? Am I the only one who does that? 
It's so much easier when you're a kid and can say "Hi, I'm Amber. Want to be friends?" 
A lot more complicated when you're a grown up. We never formally introduced ourselves until one day, I handed out a business card to one of the ladies hoping to find out her name in exchange. Total failure. However, a few weeks later we were standing around chatting and a new mom came up to the group and Jennie (the biz card receiver) was introducing the other ladies and when it came to me said, I don't know your name! So I finally introduced myself and they told me their names.
Success!
The next thing I know she's invited us to her husbands birthday party this month and I am chatting up the other ladies with ease.
When D came home and asked how my day was I told him "I'm in!" and he just shook his head.
Clearly he has no idea of the mommy dynamics in the school yard, but he was happy for me none-the-less. I think he was just happy that I finally learned their names too.
So now I have 'school friends'! I'm pretty excited about that.
These ladies seem fun and like they have similar interests so it will be fun to see how these relationships grow over the course of the year, and I'm happy to have infiltrated the group and  making new friends.


Does your school have a carpool clique? Are you friends with any of the moms? How did you 'crack the code'?



1 comment:

  1. Yay! And I am the same way with names. I've had small talk multiple times with a couple neighbor ladies and I don't know either of their names! I just realized last night when I was telling my husband something they told me and he was like "where did you hear that?" and I said..."uhhh....that lady I don't know her name!" Ughhhh gotta get better about asking.

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