Friday, September 7, 2012

Labor of Love - Reality Check

Summer is officially over and we are back to school.
I am finding more time on my hands during the day with a growing baby (no longer an newborn or fussing infant) but full on moving, grooving, cooing and teething baby.
Every day it seems I am inundated with emails about jobs in the cosmetic industry.
Some are local and sound like they would be right up my alley.
Where were these jobs when I was still working full time and actually looking?
And I am tempted.
Tempted to throw my hat in the ring and see if I am any one's perfect candidate.
I think of all the things we could do with the extra income.
The things I could buy.
The fun outfits I could wear that wouldn't be spit up on shortly after donning them.
Interesting and intellectual conversations I would have about makeup, product displays and marketing strategies.
I think about really utilizing my degree. 
And then, I think of all that I would miss and those that would be affected should I get back into the grind.
Who would do the afternoon carpool?
Then I see another posting that is so close and would work so great........and then my baby bear does something new.
He scoots forward, he gets a new tooth, he laughs uncontrollably.
And I think of all that I would miss if I were to get back in the rat race.
I listened to the First Lady (who I have a major crush on) speak at the DNC and saw her eyes glisten as she spoke about her children and her husband.
She talked about her role and that her main priority, her real job is : Mom-in-Chief.
She said:
"Success is not just about the money you make. It's about the difference you make in people's lives"
That hit me right where I live.
It doesn't matter which way your politics lean - as a mother, that just rocked me to the core.
Especially a SAHM who is in the thick of the new baby + older child juggling act.
I am not drawn to these job postings because I really want to go back to work.
Yes, it's nice to have something outside of the home that's just me.
But if I'm honest, it's more about the added income it would bring.
That's really it.
Spending time with our famdamily over the weekend and watching the kids play and crawl all over each other, the men laugh and joke and the women discuss life as mothers and where we are in our different journey's it hit me hard.

I love being a mom.
Shaping these two people is the single most important thing I do.
I also love being a makeup artist, blogging and writing.
It makes me just as happy as anything.
But right now it's not really helping pay the bills which vexes me a bit but I know that too will change.
Part of that is me not really marketing myself as much as I should/could/need to.
I am enjoying being home each day with my little man and spending my mornings in the kitchen dancing to music while making baby food.
I love picking up Sweet Pea from school and even driving a carpool with the neighbors.
It shocks me that this is even my joy, but it is.
Sure the school moms aren't discussing the ins and outs of NYFW, the newest makeup trends for fall or what's hot this week and sometimes I feel like I stand out from them but I know, that this is where I am supposed to be right now.
Sometimes I have delusions of working on a set (movie, TV show, magazine shoot etc.) for hours at a time or going back to an office job discussing products at great length and then the reality of all that I would miss hits me like a tether ball to the face.
"I don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep cuz I'd miss you baby, and I don't want to miss a thing" - Aerosmith

And I don't.
So I will rejoice right here. Right where I'm supposed to be.

Sure,I'll market myself a bit more for working from home and making women feel beautiful (my absolute favorite thing) but I will savor these moments of being home with my children and not a slave to the almighty dollar.

2 comments:

  1. Yes, yes, and yes. I to went through all these emotions when i had Wyatt... And a bit after having Frankie because i used to be so involved with my moms group (and you know about how that whole debacle went down). I guess, I still have a place in my soul that God created in me so that i would have the desire to serve him with my gifts and talents... But right now i need to wait. Cultivate my talents, learn, and pray about how i will serve him when it's time.

    This devotional that i read the other day really speaks to this linking and idea... http://streamsinthedesert.nicheblogger.net/2012/09/05/streams-in-the-desertseptember-05-2/

    Love you. Ber

    ReplyDelete

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