Friday, May 11, 2012

Choices

yes.


Being that it's Mother's Day weekend, it's only appropriate that I write this post.
Today I chose my kids.
I drove all the way to downtown Los Angeles with the baby bear and officially resigned from my job.
It was exciting to see everyone and I felt a surge of .....something being in the office but I knew deep in my heart that home is where I am supposed to be right now.
I thought hard about it.
 Weighed the options and even half-heartedly looked into childcare.
Then I just gave it up to God and let it go.
And in time my answer came.
Choose the kids.
I know there will be plenty of time to be a fancy working mom.
I've been there and done that.
But right now, in this season of my life, at (almost) 33 years old.
I am supposed to be at home with my baby boy and be there for my little girl.
It's funny how okay I am with this.
10 years ago I felt like I had to prove something to myself and my peers.
A young mother trying to convince everyone I could handle anything and everything.
Mommy-hood? I got this.
Work? No problem.
Balancing it all? 
In my mind it was all good.
In reality I was felt like I was failing at one thing or another most days.
So this decision has been a bit easier.
I know it will be a somewhat of a strain financially and I think we're okay with that.
I have no doubt that there will be a lot of changes in our household in the coming months.
But it just doesn't make sense financially & emotionally to go back full-time.
Paying for train passes, daycare for the boy, after school care for the girl, gas for both cars.
Killing myself to get the kids after work.
Babe having to get both kids together each morning.
Having to be basically hooked to the breast pump all day each day to provide milk for the boy, or switching to formula and incurring yet another cost.
Letting someone else (a stranger) care for my little bear.
It's all so much.
So today, I am officially self-employed.
I will continue to do makeup (less on the side and more concentrated effort) as that will allow me to have some income and still be at home with the kiddos but at this time I have no desire to work in an office.
Of course I will miss my co-workers.
I will miss the daily fashion show that occurs in our offices.
The inspiration and encouragement to really express yourself with your clothing.
I will definitely miss that free shipping discount!
There really won't be a need to put on heels each day and strut my stuff (Target is far more casual than downtown L.A.) but there also won't be that urge to absolutely keep up with trends and to shop at all times.
( It's a dangerous place to work sometimes!)
I am happy with my choice as I know my Sweet Pea is and baby Bear will be as well.
My wonderful husband is behind me 100%.
He just wants the best for our kids and for me as well.
We have realized that this is what's best for us.
So we will make it work however we can.
And if necessary, I can always go back to working full time outside the home.
Because to be honest, what I do around here is definitely work.
The pay scale is a little different but just as rewarding if not more so.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.



Happy Mother's Day to all the mama's out there, working in or outside the home, what you do is nothing short of amazing and I hope you are pampered by all your people all weekend long.




1 comment:

  1. So happy for you and your decision. I'm so glad you have peace :) Happy Mother's Day Amber!

    ReplyDelete

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