Control Crazed

I'm a little bit losing my mind these days.
I am slightly obsessed with shopping and growing my wardrobe to find "just the right thing". 
Never mind that my body is still in flux so I can only fit so many items currently in my closet (namely my favorite jeans).
 It has become an addiction of sorts. 
I have been to Nordstrom Rack 3x in the last week and a half. 
Wednesday I took may baby out as soon as it stopped raining so I could buy a purse.

Albeit a fabulous purse which had been haunting me in my dreams but a purse none-the-less.
And it's not like it was a necessity, I just didn't want to miss out on having it.
(insert mental rational here>>>>I plan on getting rid of quite a few "junk" purses when I do my closet purge and this is keeping in line with my quality vs. quantity fashion pursuits<<<< end justification)
Monday I ordered the long sought after boyfriend jeans from Hautelook and I was thrilled when they were dropped at my doorstep on Wednesday.

They don't yet fit (which is only furthering my workout craziness) but I am already imagining the outfits I'll put together with them.
Later on I plan on ordering a royal blue maxi skirt from Old Navy  to jump start my easy breezy spring/summer style and I am keen to "get back to skinny" so I can hop on the colored jeans trend.
Lemon yellow skinnies anyone?? 
Its a silly obsession I know. 
Especially since I don't NEED any of these items.
But it's something that I have control over.
 Right now so much of my life is on a flex schedule that I am grasping at any and all areas to find some footing.
Yes, I realize I have issues. But thus is the life/ mind of a mom with a newborn. You are somewhat of a crazy person as your days & nights are filled with feeding, burping, poopy diapers and not enough rest. Sleep deprivation does strange things to a woman.
It creates crazy thoughts and desires and ideas to pursue in your waking hours that seem insane to those who are getting 6+ hours sleep a night and have some semblance of balance in their lives.
I can somewhat justify my obsession and purchases with the fact that for the last 10 months I haven't really bought any clothing.
(shoes don't count - they always fit)
 A few maternity items here and there but nothing that would last more than a season or was fairly expensive.
I also plan on either donating or selling a huge portion of my closet once I am able to find the time to go through and organize it all.
Right now my closet is mocking me and its driving me nuts.
I seriously need to go through and pare down & get rid of so many items.
I briefly started the other day when looking for more hangers for my new shirts

 (which are fabulous if I do say so myself - hello COLOR!!) and found tops with the tags still on!!
Shows me how much I actually look in my closet and wear whats in there.
I think with a more pared down wardrobe I'll be more creative with my ensembles and it will be a "less is more" kind of deal.
Not to mention how it will free up some drawer space in the dresser as well.
I have delusions of hitting up IKEA soon and getting all kinds of storage goodies to re-organize my stuff, but I lack the energy to go alone.
Welcome to my crazy mind.
We already know I have a mild case of O.C.D and right now it's flaring up in some odd places.
Since I can't control how often I sleep (or shower for that matter), how fast I lose weight or how soon my little man gets on some type of a schedule I focus on random tangible things that I can control.
I can do something about the organization of my closet.
I can do something about the state of my dresser drawers.
What I can't do is beam myself back to my pre-pregnancy weight and shimmy into my favorite jeans, immediately.
I'm sure many reading this will shake their heads at my vanity and chastise me on how its not about how I look but how I mother as my kids will never care what size jeans I fit into.
And they're right. That's not really important in the grand scheme of things.
But it is about feeling good about myself when I look in the mirror. 
About feeling strong when I carry my baby through the house as he wails away in the middle of the night.
Its about not being so tired when I pick up my Sweet Pea from school that I fall asleep in the middle of her story or am unable to focus on her due to lack of sleep.
Its about having control of my mommy guilt.
It will take the next few weeks to get where I want to be.
Sleeping regularly, staying active (both mind and body) and eating properly.
In the meantime I will focus on the meaningless nonsense as that is helping me maintain my sanity and stay present.
It may be silly to some but controlling my closet/clothes is about the only steady thing I can count on in this stage.
So I will take it and run with it.

Now if only I can find the time.

Do you ever find yourself fixated on odd things when faced with other stresses as a way to cope?


  1. Just came across your blog. Love the purse, the color is perfect for everything! I thought you and your visitors might be interested in


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