Monday, April 30, 2012

happenings in the hills

Life has been trucking along pretty consistently.
No longer counting the weeks for some baby/body milestone but rather just enjoying each day as it comes.
A new concept for someone who perpetually looks/plans ahead to the next thing.
We had a relaxing week and just kept it going into the weekend.
Friday was Family Fun night at Sweet Pea's school so after Babe got home from work we headed over the hill for an evening of games & cotton candy. 
She got to get her face painted and hang out with some friends 

 Babe won a free cake in the Cake Walk so that was pretty exciting
 I'm really excited as its not the kind of cake I like so I don't have to even think about eating it!!

Saturday even though we were all up and dressed by noon we decided to sit around and catch up on the DVR.
I had to run to the store for lasagna ingredients for Sunday and returned after an hour and a half to find my baby boy sleeping soundly. 
He was already asleep when I left so this just jazzed me out as it had been over 3 hours since his last feeding! whoo hoo! making some progress!
We had a preview to the EPIX channel so we watched all the Avengers characters movies (Iron Man 2, Captain America, Thor, The Hulk) as well as Transformers Dark of the Moon.
Since we got our new TV that has a wicked resolution (it looks like live action - like you are in the room) its been fun to re-watch some of our favorite graphically creative movies.

Sunday the weather was beautiful yet again and much to nice to stay inside so I took the boy 
 down to Long Beach to hang out with my mom and make our first foray into the world of Flea Market(ing). 
I have only been one or two times to smaller flea markets so it was pretty fun to traipse down the aisles and see all the wares. 
As I mentioned here - I am learning how to spot furniture that can be refurbished to my tastes so this was more of a scouting mission although I did score an awesome jazz print for our living room.

My mom was also kind enough to pick me up a case of my favorite Organic Iced Green tea from her local Costco as mine no longer had any in stock.
I was so excited about it I rushed out of her house to buy two more cases.

Yes, I have a problem.
Sunday evening my baby slept for 5 hours!! Holy rested parents Batman!!
I felt GREAT when I woke up this morning! 
I actually woke up a couple of times freaking out cuz he wasn't making a peep!
I got my workout in and came back to bed and he was still sleeping soundly!
What a blessing and great way to start off the week!
Hopefully he keeps this up and he will be sleeping in his own room in no time!

How was your weekend?

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

For Life

Better than the latest breast pump, better than the fancy video monitor, more important than a diaper genie and equally as awesome as a good bra......having great girlfriends is one of the best things a mother/woman can have.
I was watching Sex and the City 2 a few days ago where Charlotte and Miranda have a chat about motherhood and was struck by how important it is to have girlfriends to talk things over with.
While visiting Abu Dhabi Miranda finally gets Charlotte to admit her true feelings about motherhood and her children. Her two year old was going through a horrific crying stage and her older daughter was just begging for attention and Charlotte kept saying "everything is fine" when it clearly was not.
Miranda saw her friend struggling and finally called her on it and gave her the forum to open up.
It reminded me how grateful I am to have my wonderful set of girlfriends. 
Motherhood is hard
It takes a lot out of you and requires so much. 
If you don't take time out for yourself it can be detrimental to your health.
I know from personal experience. 
When Sweet Pea was born I tried to be superwoman.
 I had no idea what I was doing and no clue how to ask for the help I desperately needed. 
Even though I love to talk, it was hard to communicate to others how I was really feeling.
I've since learned from my mistakes and have been very vocal about how mothers need to talk to each other and let others know the truth.
It's okay to admit that you are having a bad day and need a break.
It's perfectly normal to want to have a break from your kids.
Or to enjoy going to work and getting out of the house.
That it's okay to have something just for you.
 Hell, it's even necessary to our sanity and survival.
We don't talk about it enough, if ever at all. 
We all spend so much of our time trying to one up each other about how well it's all going....that we rarely let our guards down to discuss what's really bothering us.
Even amongst our closest friends.
My BFF Michelle was in town the weekend after I gave birth and it helped a lot to be able to just sit and talk things out with her.
 Let her know how crazy I felt and some of my fears. No judgement.
We shared our "war stories" and laughed until our sides hurt.
Being a mother as well...she gets it. And bring my friend she gets ME.
I've really been blessed to have a great support system in my friends who let me call and vent my frustrations and listen.
Not everyone has that and that makes me sad.
I realize how truly blessed I am to have these wonderful women around.
Whether its someone to go shopping with, take a class with or just sit down and pour out your heart to.
We all need that from time to time.
I know I do.
Its the only thing that's gotten me through these last six weeks.
My husband is amazing.
He works hard and he helps out with the baby and around the house.
Sweet Pea has been a gem, helping me and just loving on her brother.
But the support of my girlfriends....that has been priceless.
I even got a care package from my mafia girls earlier this month.
They sent me some killer magenta heels and two pairs of shoes for the boy.
It totally cheered me up ( I may or may not have shed a few tears of happiness) on a day when I was beyond exhausted, frustrated and starving.
Not a good combination for me but boy did that change when I opened that box!
Even just a text, an FB message or a quick Face Time chat and I feel renewed in my spirit.
I thank my lucky stars that over the last 15 years I have cultivated this magical group of ladies who lift my spirits and make me giggle.
My circle of friends is as nutty as I am but they are wise beyond their years.
We each bring something different to the table and I honestly don't know where I would be without these ladies in my life.
Recently, I was able to sneak away and have a moms night out to see a movie with my girl Q and even though there were obstacles impeding our hanging out ( her car broke down) we worked it as we were determined to get some girl time!
We had drinks before our movie to catch up on our lives and it was wonderful to be able to voice all of the crazy that has been going on in my head and see her nod hers in agreeance and understanding.
That is more precious than anything and worth more to me than words can express.
That night reminded me of how a few years ago my girls and I would get together for monthly dinners/drinks/lunch.
Whatever we could squeeze in.
I definitely need to get back to that.

Family is great but there are a few times when you just need to kick up your heels with the ladies and let loose!

Do you and your girlfriends have any rituals or routines to make sure you stay in touch?

Monday, April 23, 2012

Design on a dime

It's no secret that I love design shows. I am slightly obsessed with all things HGTV.
The really cool part?
My husband will watch most of them with me!
However, as a renter its kind of a struggle to decorate our space exactly as I see it in my mind.
We can only do so much with existing wall colors and layout.
So D and I have been talking seriously about buying a house this year.
I couldn't be more excited.
It makes sense as we are now pretty much set as a family of four and feel as though we are out growing our current space.
So it's kind of been fun to watch the people on HGTV's House Hunters, Property Virgins and other design shows experiences.
We've learned a lot about what is our personal style and what exactly we are looking for in a home.
I know my job as a wife and mother is to create a space that we all find comfort in.
To make our home a sanctuary of sorts and for me that means having a home with approachable yet modern style.
We're not heavily into vintage or ultra modern sleek furniture, we like to entertain so things have to be comfortable and functional.
I am also a huge fan of colorBabe not as much.
He's been leaning a bit my way as he's seen some of my more "inspired" designs come to life but 5 years ago he lived in a blue & brown wasteland wonderland.
And honestly, I was a bit afraid of mixing it up so much and having him hate how I changed things.
This is no longer the case.
However, I have some commitment issues when it comes to design and furniture.
Also I don't want to spend a ridiculous amount of money on something that I may or may not LOVE in the future.
Enter the new show "I Brake for Yard Sales". I'm kind of excited about it.
Hosted by Good Morning America's Lara Spencer it follows her as she visits various yard sales and uses those items to decorate friends homes.

In the very first episode she was charged with decorating the entire downstairs of her best friends new house.
The friend wanted fun, preppy & lots of color (hot pink, kelly green, yellow, orange etc..) which sounds a bit nuts written out but ended up looking A-MAZING.
I made D watch it with me so he could really get a feel for how colors & patterns can be mixed together and surprisingly enough he like quite a few of the pieces.
It made my heart happy to know he will be open to my colorful ideas.
It also allowed us to see how easy it is to re-purpose old/used furniture into what we are looking for without paying a ton.
Lara also wrote a book of the same title that I will be purchasing along with Jonathan Adler's Happy Chic Colors.

I want a perfectly imperfect home, a reflection of our style and who we are as a family.
Not a museum of lovely furniture that I will freak it out if someone spills on.
Nor do I want an IKEA ad either.
It must be unique no matter what.
We currently have a few items in our possession that I am itching to get rid of and update with more fun and functional pieces.
Take our dining table &side board for instance, Babe bought it before we were together and while it is quite cute and has been wonderful when having several people over for dinner, its not really our style.
Same thing with our TV stand and DVD holders. I'm not really a fan so we will be phasing those out sooner rather than later.
I have a ton of ideas - I'm still leaning towards wanting a grey couch 
among other things but am now seriously considering the cost of re-upholstering our current couch (which I really like) to a lovely shade of grey but that will all come in time.

Anywho - please pray for us as we venture out into the home buying world.
It's not going to happen in the next week, month or next few months but hopefully it will happen this year.
And when it does, watch out!
I will be a decorating fool for sure.

Do you have any design inspirations/aspirations for your home?

Why Celebrities are ruining it for "normal People"

Its not an earth shattering statement that celebrities are unrealistic creatures.
They have the money and resources to do what the everyday person cannot and it kind of sucks.
Under normal circumstances, a woman has a baby and it takes her a while to 'bounce back' so to speak.
Not when you're famous.
First you have the paparazzi hounding you to weigh in on your weight gain and then they want to discuss how fast you lose the weight after.
And these women are going to extreme measures to get back in star shape.
Like getting on bike for spin class a week after giving birth and adhering to a strict diet straight out of the hospital!
That is just ridiculous not to mention completely unhealthy.

Miranda Kerr was quoted as saying she eats 'gogi berries and roasted almonds' for snacks to keep cravings at bay but she does "indulge" as she loves organic chocolate.
Really? Organic chocolate?
I'm sure she only has a small sliver.
How about admitting a love for chocolate chip cookies or cupcakes? (my personal weakness)
Or how about when they simply chalk it up to "good genes" and "eating right while pregnant and breastfeeding"?
"The weight just came off!" they say with astonishing conviction.
No mention of the grueling work outs that most of us have to endure to look good normally, let alone after having a baby.
These women are then plastered on the cover of magazines (tabloids and legit mags alike)  touted as having a great bod and giving details on how you too can look like them.

But lets be honest, it's not really going to happen.
Most women don't bounce back that quickly and if they do its not without a lot of work.
Plus these women have nannies, trainers, chefs and or meal delivery systems so there is no worries about how to squeeze in a work out into their busy schedules.
They are, in a sense, paid to look good so it's their job to work off that weight.
But the amount of pressure given to real women to mimic that same schedule or intensity is just plain wrong.
Y'all know I have  been working on my fitness since the doctor gave me the green light and I will be the first to admit it has been HARD.
I am just now starting to see some results and that feels great.
I know it will take a few more weeks to get back to where I was fully but progress is progress.
I ran into a woman at my daughters school and recently had her baby boy ,she has a 1 month old, and her mother in law commented on how "good" I looked.
I was super grateful for the compliment but 100% honest when I said I have been killing myself since my doc gave me the all clear.
And I mean it.
The first week I took it a bit easy as I wanted to get my body re-acclimated to working out.
The next week I went a little bit harder but only did Jillian's Level 1 Shred every other day and some easier workouts on the "off" days and even squeezed in a  buns workout Sunday morning!
But this week I challenged myself.
I have been dragging my tired butt out of bed after Carson's early morning feeding (around 4:30-5ish) and have stepped it up to Level 2.
Believe me, all I want to do is stay asleep. 
Especially since he seems to be sleeping better these days (thank you Jesus!) but I know that there will be no change if I don't just do it.
So I do.
I did it the same way two years ago while prepping for the wedding so its not totally foreign to me.
I feel great after I knock it out and I don't have to fret about finding time for a shower or the baby waking up in the middle of my session as Babe is upstairs slumbering away.
Its my therapy right now.
However, I can understand how it could be frustrating for someone else who is not willing to go to these extremes.
Someone who looks at a magazine or website and becomes depressed or upset because they aren't bikini ready 3 months post baby.
Most women aren't. And that's okay.
But our society is filled with "hot moms" who are there to "inspire" us to do/be better women/mothers and its all so extreme it can drive a woman insane.
I know that I personally put pressure on myself to get into shape but I've been discovering its not really for vanity purposes.
Yes, I want to not only fit into my clothes but look good in them as well, but I also want to feel good about ME.
I want to feel proud of setting a goal, working on a plan and sticking to it.
So to all my mama's out there who may have a few extra pounds lingering (whether you had a baby 2 months  or 10 years ago) do what makes you feel good and feel like you.
Don't fret about society's standards and what they say you should look like it.
Its not realistic or practical in anyway.
Who has time to workout 3 hours a day 5 days a week???

Ohh  that's right, celebrities do!

Friday, April 20, 2012

Two Months

8 weeks
60 days
1440 hours
  (quiet a few of them sleepless)
My how time flies.
It seems like just yesterday we were headed to the hospital to meet Carson and here we are now two whole months later.
Its been a wild ride to say the least.
We've essentially "started over" being that Sweet Pea is now 10 and super self sufficient.
But we are so happy to have this little man in our lives.
His little personality is beginning to come out and the squeals, giggles and smiles are becoming more common.
To commemorate his baby hood we had my good friend Melissa come by for a "newborn" & family photo shoot (newborn is in quotes as he was clearly 6 weeks old at this point)
She was also the second shooter at our wedding and has become a dear friend so it seemed only natural to have her come out and document the fluffy boy.
Melissa has an awesome eye and was really able to capture Carson's squishiness and the true essence of our family of four.
Please check out a few photos from our session here.
I am so pleased with how they turned out and can't wait to put them up in and around our home!!

Carson by the numbers:
2 months old
16lbs (holy moly!!) 
24.7 inches

This kid is growing by leaps and bounds and I am so happy to watch it happen every single day.

So what do you think of our family photos??

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Control Crazed

I'm a little bit losing my mind these days.
I am slightly obsessed with shopping and growing my wardrobe to find "just the right thing". 
Never mind that my body is still in flux so I can only fit so many items currently in my closet (namely my favorite jeans).
 It has become an addiction of sorts. 
I have been to Nordstrom Rack 3x in the last week and a half. 
Wednesday I took may baby out as soon as it stopped raining so I could buy a purse.

Albeit a fabulous purse which had been haunting me in my dreams but a purse none-the-less.
And it's not like it was a necessity, I just didn't want to miss out on having it.
(insert mental rational here>>>>I plan on getting rid of quite a few "junk" purses when I do my closet purge and this is keeping in line with my quality vs. quantity fashion pursuits<<<< end justification)
Monday I ordered the long sought after boyfriend jeans from Hautelook and I was thrilled when they were dropped at my doorstep on Wednesday.

They don't yet fit (which is only furthering my workout craziness) but I am already imagining the outfits I'll put together with them.
Later on I plan on ordering a royal blue maxi skirt from Old Navy  to jump start my easy breezy spring/summer style and I am keen to "get back to skinny" so I can hop on the colored jeans trend.
Lemon yellow skinnies anyone?? 
Its a silly obsession I know. 
Especially since I don't NEED any of these items.
But it's something that I have control over.
 Right now so much of my life is on a flex schedule that I am grasping at any and all areas to find some footing.
Yes, I realize I have issues. But thus is the life/ mind of a mom with a newborn. You are somewhat of a crazy person as your days & nights are filled with feeding, burping, poopy diapers and not enough rest. Sleep deprivation does strange things to a woman.
It creates crazy thoughts and desires and ideas to pursue in your waking hours that seem insane to those who are getting 6+ hours sleep a night and have some semblance of balance in their lives.
I can somewhat justify my obsession and purchases with the fact that for the last 10 months I haven't really bought any clothing.
(shoes don't count - they always fit)
 A few maternity items here and there but nothing that would last more than a season or was fairly expensive.
I also plan on either donating or selling a huge portion of my closet once I am able to find the time to go through and organize it all.
Right now my closet is mocking me and its driving me nuts.
I seriously need to go through and pare down & get rid of so many items.
I briefly started the other day when looking for more hangers for my new shirts

 (which are fabulous if I do say so myself - hello COLOR!!) and found tops with the tags still on!!
Shows me how much I actually look in my closet and wear whats in there.
I think with a more pared down wardrobe I'll be more creative with my ensembles and it will be a "less is more" kind of deal.
Not to mention how it will free up some drawer space in the dresser as well.
I have delusions of hitting up IKEA soon and getting all kinds of storage goodies to re-organize my stuff, but I lack the energy to go alone.
Welcome to my crazy mind.
We already know I have a mild case of O.C.D and right now it's flaring up in some odd places.
Since I can't control how often I sleep (or shower for that matter), how fast I lose weight or how soon my little man gets on some type of a schedule I focus on random tangible things that I can control.
I can do something about the organization of my closet.
I can do something about the state of my dresser drawers.
What I can't do is beam myself back to my pre-pregnancy weight and shimmy into my favorite jeans, immediately.
I'm sure many reading this will shake their heads at my vanity and chastise me on how its not about how I look but how I mother as my kids will never care what size jeans I fit into.
And they're right. That's not really important in the grand scheme of things.
But it is about feeling good about myself when I look in the mirror. 
About feeling strong when I carry my baby through the house as he wails away in the middle of the night.
Its about not being so tired when I pick up my Sweet Pea from school that I fall asleep in the middle of her story or am unable to focus on her due to lack of sleep.
Its about having control of my mommy guilt.
It will take the next few weeks to get where I want to be.
Sleeping regularly, staying active (both mind and body) and eating properly.
In the meantime I will focus on the meaningless nonsense as that is helping me maintain my sanity and stay present.
It may be silly to some but controlling my closet/clothes is about the only steady thing I can count on in this stage.
So I will take it and run with it.

Now if only I can find the time.

Do you ever find yourself fixated on odd things when faced with other stresses as a way to cope?

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Transparent Thoughts

Next week Carson will be 2 months old.
Has it really been two months? it feels like two minutes.
We are completely enamored with this little man.
All three of us.
Sweet Pea loves her baby brother best of all and I am soaking that up.
Babe loves on him and it melts my heart to see them knocked out on the couch or making faces at each other.
I find myself cuddling & snuggling him at all hours of the day and can't get enough of his smell and sweet face.
But I will be honest - its still a struggle.
I am exhausted most days. Some are better than others and some days......well I look in the mirror and think "I look WHIPPED. I should do something about myself before my husband comes home!"
But then I don't because I'm too tired to go upstairs, dinner to start, and  laundry that needs to be done.....etc.etc.
On a good day I manage to shower and put on makeup and fix myself so that I feel good but on a bad day.....well let's just say that its not pretty.
And while I'm being totally honest - he's not a perfect 'quiet' baby who just sits and stares and coos.
He cries & wails and flails about. 
He fusses when he has gas( and sometimes for seemingly no reason at all) and its frustrating at times when he can't just "toot it out".
He has an umbilical hernia which is stressing me out to no end and just looks funny. It doesn't cause him any pain but its bothersome to me.
I can't say for certain that he is colicky as he doesn't "fit the guidelines" per se but he is nothing like my Sweet Pea was. 
Or perhaps he is and I just don't remember.
A lot of time has passed between her and him.
And if he is I'm praying it goes away as suddenly as it started.
I'm up all day and all night with him and it wears me down some days and my nerves are frayed.
Some days I feel as though I might be falling apart.
My doctor asked if I was suffering from any postpartum depression and my quick reply was "more like postpartum frustration!
I want to help him, fix him and make him be that 'perfect' baby. I want him to just be huggable and "easy".
 It seems that other new mamas have had it easier than I am and I sometimes wonder if I'm not being punished for some bad behaviour / snarky comments of some kind.
Yes, that's irrational but I'm tired so in my head it makes sense.
I do have help from family and a great group of friends to vent to but who can I call at 3am when my son is tired, whining and has blown out 3 diapers in 3 hours???
Last night was tough for me - I was already tired and somewhat cranky and he stayed up whining for about 2.5 hours after his 1am feeding and would not go to sleep.
My husband was snoring away and I did not want to wake him as he had already been up with him and still had to get up and go to work in the morning.
So I took him out of the room and padded down the hall and cried quietly in the dark in his room as I rocked and sang to him (note to self - you have terrible pitch).
I had hit my wall.
So I did what any sane person would do - I prayed.
For a while.
Prayed for my baby, for my husband, for my little girl, for my family, for me.
And then I cried some more.
And finally, finally, he dozed off and stayed that way.
My heart leaped.
I crawled into bed with my robe still wrapped around me and passed out for 3 blissful hours.
I only woke up because I desperately needed to pee (drinking a ton of water while nursing in the night will do that to ya).
No sooner than I had done that than he began to make noises again (how does he know I'm up???)
But it was okay - it was time to eat again anyway. So he did.
And then promptly pooped up a storm and fussed for a bit before dozing back off.
He woke shortly after and I snuggled him on my chest and we both fell asleep like that for another half an hour. 
It was a great half an hour.
In my mind I was like "I should work out really quickly while he's dozing. Or go eat breakfast" but instead I just cuddled my little man and slept for a little while longer.
I know in my heart that all too soon the bags of sleeplessness under my eyes will no longer be as prevalent and he will be more interested in trucks and 'things that go' than in spending time cuddled with his mama so I will enjoy it.
My work outs will still be there this evening, waiting for me just as patiently.
I may not have that extra boost of endorphins to get me through the day but I will definitely be tired enough to fall asleep promptly tonight.
And if not.....well, that's okay too.
I'm grateful that I have this outlet, this space on the web/blogosphere to get my thoughts out and to get feedback be it negative or positive but to at least get it out there.
We are not perfect.
We struggle and we have the same stresses as others.
I'm just choosing to share mine in hopes to find that I am not alone.

And I don't think that I am.

Or am I??

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

A bit scattered

Today is kind of a blah day. It's a little bit rainy  but the sun keeps peeking out to brighten up the afternoon and my mind is all over the place.
We're smack dab in the middle of Sweet Pea's spring break which has been a much needed reprieve for me. She's off visiting her aunts and cousins in the valley so it's just been Babe,Baby Ninja and I. I miss her but I know she needed a break from us and some time with her extended family.
We're working on getting Ninja boy on a better sleeping schedule so this week has been a bit of a struggle.
I've also begun stepping up my workouts and am desperate to squeeze one or two in each day as well as a shower. (dreaming big I know)
The Ninja being up all night is not beneficial to this desire of mine but I am powering through. I see a change in my body already since beginning my workouts last week and for that I am grateful but I know I still have a ways to go before I'm at my "ideal" place. Its become apparent that it's not really about toning at this point and more about actually losing weight (gulp) so I am struggling with reigning in my eating habits (5 oreos a day + a danish + snacks + meals is not going to cut it) without chastising myself too much. 
I have never been a big dieter or very good and restricting my foods so I am just trying to make sure I keep a variety of healthier snack options available and try to resist all the yummies that seem to find there way into my home. 
At the same time I try not to totally restrict myself so everything in moderation.
The past two weeks (really the past seven) have been an exercise in my ability to relax , let go and let God. With this baby I've been a lot more lax about trying to do everything myself and being so "perfect". When I had Sweet Pea I was so young (22) that I found myself trying to prove to everyone that I could manage just fine. I pushed myself to be perfect and on top of everything at all times.
I failed miserably and would often cry when I had a moment to myself because I was wound so tight all the time.
With this little guy, I've had to let go of the fact that my house will be a semi-disaster until we can establish a better routine and I can work out some kind of cleaning schedule. I've also been okay with not 'being a rock star' every single day. Some days are better than others and I can accomplish a ton while others......well I'm just lucky if I've gotten a shower let alone brushed my hair.
As hard as it is for me, I've had to forgo having my bed made every single day. If it happens great, if's not the end of the world.
Its kind of nice to see how I've grown in the last 10 years. However, I do have days when I feel like I'm not enough or I'm not doing enough. I'm sure it has to do with how pervasive social media is in my (most mothers) life. There is always someone out there in the Interweb that is doing it better, trendier and more fabulously than you are. 
It can be quite detrimental to one's self esteem. But I am learning (daily) that it's not about what others are doing. It's really about finding my own voice, my own style and making my own way. I'm a work in progress on that front but its getting there. 
I want to continue to be inspired by what is out there without being overwhelmed by it and not compare myself to others.
I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
 In the season I am supposed to be in, exactly as God intended.
It's taken a while to be okay with that and know that we are progressing slowly but surely to our end goal but fortunately I have a great support system and am encouraged constantly to keep up the good work and stay positive.
And in the end, really, that's all I can ask for

I realize this was a completely random post and all over the place but bear with me as this is what my mind is like today.

Friday, April 6, 2012

So I'm 4 days into my "post baby body revolution" and so far so good.
I got the all clear from the doctor on Tuesday and have been 'workin it out' ever since.
She warned me I might be a little more sore than normal due to the c-section so I started off slow with Lindsay Brin's Post-Natal Boot Camp.
I have to say I enjoyed it although I was quite winded in doing the first section of cardio as I haven't done anything more strenuous than walk up the stairs in recent weeks.
I was doing her Pre-Natal workouts up to the week before I gave birth so I like her style and looking at her post baby body (she's had 3 c-sections) gives me hope.
Wednesday I decided to focus on my abs and legs so I found my favorite Bridal Absession by Violet Zaki on YouTube and did that along with Stephanie Vitorino's Bootylicious Buns.
That kicked my butt a bit.
Those workouts are no joke. They are short but you feel the burn immediately. 
I also realized how out of shape I really am as I recall how "easy" the Bridal Absession was for me after a few weeks of doing it.
Not so much now.
I love that all my workouts are quick enough to do while baby Ninja is napping and still give me a few minutes to spare for a possible shower or to just catch my breath.
And the endorphin's I've gotten whilst exercising are a HUGE boost.
I've felt better over the last three days than I have in the last 3 weeks.
Positive motivations are a great blessing.
I also made it to Nordstrom Rack to see if they had the jeans I've been lusting over or at least something similar and I did find a pair.
They're a size bigger than what I usually wear,but can currently fit, and I know once I drop this extra fluff they should fit fine but I'm skeptical on whether I should keep them or just wait to find THE ones.
I did however, find some really cute tops that are in line with the personal style I see in my head so that makes me excited.
I stepped out of my comfort zone and bought a few tops with color and patterns but can be worn so many different ways.
I have to say I was pretty proud of myself for my out of the box thinking - well out of the box for me.
I usually just grab a white tee of some kind and know that it will go with everything I own.
This time I put a little more thought and effort into my purchases before rushing to the check-out.
And did I mention I had both kids with me? 
I'm even more motivated to stay working out and get myself back into shape.
I'm taking today off although I might squeeze in a quick core workout just to keep it firm, but I know I need to let my muscles rest so they will be fired up and ready for Monday.
I'm going back to Jillian Michael's 30 day shred then. 
I did it for a few weeks back in February of 2010 in preparation for the wedding and it was a great platform to get me started.\
So come Monday morning I will be dripping sweat with her again.
And I'm excited about it.
I'm also committing myself to focus on drinking more water each day.
I drink a lot now but not as much as I could so that will be stepped up as well as buying more foods that help boost metabolism like grapefruit and apples for me to snack on while at home.
Because I'm nursing I can't really diet as I need the calories to fee both of us and that's fine but I want to make sure what I do eat is both beneficial to my end goal and nutritious for me.
So that's where I'm at now.
I feel good about where I'm going and how I'm going about this.
I don't recall how long it took me with  Sweet Pea to get back into my clothes but I know that I didn't have this kind of determination or drive.
Not to mention the resources I have available.
So Monday begins my 30 day Shred mixed in with my Boot Camp workouts....I have delusions of taking a photo in a bathing suit to document my progress week by week but then again I don't really want that on film.
Sigh. But I know it will really help to have some kind of proof of any changes so perhaps I will.

Wish me luck?

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Playing Dress-Up

Its no secret that I have a passion for fashion but in my current state of  "body limbo" I'm having  a bit of a tough time picking out clothes.
Things have to be both cute and somewhat functional as I'm still breastfeeding and I may have to whip out one of the girls at any moment.
Also the increased chest size is making my shirts a bit more snug than when I bought them.
Interesting turn of events, definitely not complaining about that though.
So things are in a transitional stage (story of my life right now) and I'm also trying to really nail down "what is MY personal style".
I know what I like on others but can I really pull some of those looks off?
I have a style pin board you can follow to see what I mean.
And I have begun to see a pattern to what I gravitate towards and that's been kind of fun.
The next step will of course be going through the closet and totally paring it down to what really works for me.
It may result in me having to do more laundry but that's okay with me if that allows me to have a more functional/ working closet/ wardrobe that is both stylish and mommy friendly.
I have a current obsession with a few items:
Boyfriend jeans
I know I've written about my quest for the perfect pair before but I was checking out Pink Peonies  and Rachel (who has excellent style by the way) has a wicked pair of Paige Premium skinny boyfriends which I'm kind of obsessed with.
image via Pinterest/Pink Peonies

I must have them. 
But even though they are premium denim and I have a few pairs from this brand already that fit me great, I'm kind of not really wanting to part with the cash. 
And I can't find them anywhere for less than $100. 
Perhaps I may splurge and treat myself.
I mean, they are incredibly versatile.
image via Pink Peonies

However, the GAP boyfriend is available again

 but since I don't really wear GAP denim I'm a little leery of how they may fit.
Then there is the whole colored denim phenomenon.
I kind of want to hop on that band wagon.
image via pinterest

image via pinterest

The color just excites me so and has me looking forward to the warmer weather for sure.
Seems like they would be easy to style with a simple tee or a fun patterned top.
Anybody else loving the bright colors?
I am definitely a jeans girl but am finding through these style boards that I lean towards an simple but eclectically polished bohemian look mixed with a smidge of sparkle/ funk if that makes any sense.
(see below)

(all images via my Pinboard)

One of the things I adore about Pinterest is that I can live out my fashion fantasies without committing to any one look or style.
And by creating these boards I've given myself a good idea of what to look for on my next shopping trip......whenever that may be.
It's funny how my style has evolved over the years.
I went through a similar transition after Sweet Pea was born but that was a completely different time (both fashion wise and mentally) and place.
My fashion sense was still very much "young adult" and not really "mom friendly".
When I look at photos from back then.....all I can do is shake my head. 
It wasn't awful but it wasn't awesome either.
This time I have a better idea of what kinds of clothes will work and what looks good on me rather than just buying things that fit.
Now there is so much inspiration out there its kind of overwhelming, I feel like every other blogger is an aspiring fashionista and has a very distinct eclectic style that I will probably never pull off.
But I do like to live vicariously through others so I continue to blog stalk as often as possible.
So while I wait to squeeze back in to my 'regular' size jeans I will continue pinning my little heart out and getting inspired by the many fashionistas around the blogosphere.

Are there any blogs/bloggers/celebs whose style inspires you?
How would you define your personal style?

Monday, April 2, 2012

6 weeks

It's official.....we are 6 weeks  postpartum today!!
My how the time has dragged flown by!
In the beginning (3 days post-op) I thought I would never get here and we are!
It's been a long, tiring road but boy am I happy to be here right now.
I have a chubby cheeked little boy who like to give me smiles in the early morning and make kissy lips at me.
Hi Mommy!!

Squishy cheeks!
I've managed to squeeze into a few of my 'regular' jeans and I can start working out again!
That is, as soon as the doctor gives me the all clear on Tuesday.
I'm already planning my workout for tomorrow evening.
It will be short (20min. max) but I can't wait.
I think these endorphins will be just what I need to get me over the hump and really back to feeling like "myself".
I've gotten a few "pick me ups" here and there:
Getting my hair done was a great boost.
New Jessica Simpson wedge brightened a dreary day

And a "fashion care package" from my mafia have been GREAT distractions and inspirations.
Shoes for mama and her little man!!
But I won't lie, it's been hard.
I'm a GREAT multi-tasker but juggling the two kids, being a wife and running a household is taking a toll on me both physically and emotionally.
Working out is a great outlet for those pent up non verbal emotions.
Usually so is writing but I'm struggling with how to find the time for that as well.
Gone are the incubation days of hanging out in front of the computer and tap tapping at the key board as my thoughts flit about.
No - now its all about planned and strategic execution.
And that's okay.
I'm just trying to find the balance right now.
I know I will get there, it's just going to take some time.
I see so many other blogs of women who have their side business and their kids and still manage to DIY and look put together and have a ton of fun and I just wonder.....HOW are they doing that?
Mostly I try not to compare lives because you never know what people are really going through.
They may portray a fabulous life on the blog but really be a mess in real life.
So I just take things one day at a time right now.
That's really all I've got.
Another big thing is looming on the horizon......going back to work.
I technically have until May to go back and I'm trying not to stress about it too much right now.
I've loved being a stay at home mom again.
There has been so much joy in being able to pick up Sweet Pea from school each day, make a yummy dinner  for my man and cuddle with the Almond Joy (aka Baby Ninja) each afternoon and still do makeup on the side. 
It's been like a dream come true.
Not sure how this will all play out in the end so say a prayer for me will ya?
I love these two kiddos so much.......
Sweet Pea gettin some baby love!


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