the struggle

There are times in which we hope against hope for things we know will likely not happen.
Times when we pray for things just outside of our reach because that's what we think we need & feel we want.
Or is that just me?
There have been a few instances in the last month where things were looking gloriously bright. 
But then the light abruptly dimmed.
My career as a writer, a makeup artist, a creative being has been challenged.
Things that I had hoped would happen haven't. Things I need to be doing, I have not.
I am inspired but lack motivation? I don't know.
I was hopeful that a few events would pan out and allow a bit of wiggle room in our budget but alas they didn't/haven't panned out.
I'm not 100% sure why so that is bothering me as well.
Part of my issue is I want things to happen when and how I want them to happen. Or I get an idea into my head and have already planned out exactly how XYZ will benefit my family's life and then when it doesn't happen or pan out exactly that way I am severely disappointed.
to the point of being a offended.
I have got to stop taking things personally.

But I am an emotional being (particularly lately) and it gets to me.
I know that I have such potential but my growth is somehow stunted.
Am I sabotaging myself? Do I l get my hopes/expectations up to high only to be pulled down into despair by any setbacks or disappointments?
I know I am designed and destined for a creative career. Of this I am certain.
But attaining that life I so dream of and long for is just out of my grasp.
The when and how of it all is vexing me. 
There is also that line that I, like so many other women, walk between wanting to have some kind of fabulous career and just being a mom. 
Of course I want to enjoy my family but I also require some type of creative outlet.
Perhaps I just need to take some time, sit back and get some perspective because I feel slightly out of control and I'm not really down with that.
But then - I'm not really in control of my life now am I?
So maybe my best bet is to keep on praying, keep on keeping on and have faith in my heart and my mind that God will  continue to guide my path and show me what to do.
And then I open my email and see Today's word with Joel and Victoria Osteeen : Dreams in the making
The scripture for the day is ‘Here comes that dreamer!’ they said to each other”(Genesis, 37:19, NIV)
How apropos is that? The whole point of the devotional was how Joseph was a dreamer and no matter what obstacles he faced he still kept dreaming and God was working behind the scenes to get him to those dreams. 
Clearly I need to take a cue from Joseph and stay in faith, keep following my heart and believing in my dreams. (insert Journey's "Don't stop believing" here).
Love it when things like this happen. It's like I answered my own questions without even trying!

Tell me, have you been struggling with anything lately?


  1. Oh girl, yes. Yes, I have been.

    I love the process of this post. Just love. Maybe I need to write one of my own.

    Right now my struggle is something I can't even really put a finger's just that restlessness in my heart. The feeling that I want to be MORE, but am not quite sure what more is. Torn between writing and not writing. It's a mess! ha But I know it will all get worked out.

  2. Nothing says it better than 'dance whenever I want to.'


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