Tuesday, October 18, 2011

labor of love

To push or  to section
That is a major question.
well for me it is. That's what I keep getting asked.
"Are you going to try and have a VBAC (vaginal birth after Cesarean) or are you going to take the easy way out?"
Umm. I don't think either way is "easy" by any means thank-you-very-much.
I've had a c-section and I had one for a reason. It wasn't mere vanity or  a scheduling choice.
And this time well.....this time I am making the choice ahead of time.
I've decided to go ahead and schedule a c-section for Baby Ninja.
(insert shocked gasps, head shaking and tsk-tsking here.....I'll wait)
I am choosing to do this because I have no desire to put my body or my baby through any unnecessary trauma.
Now do I know for sure that my plan is going to go exactly the way I think?
Nope. That is the beauty of God's plan co-mingled with having children.
Nothing goes "according to plan". It's all a crap shoot.
I learned that with Sweet Pea and have seen how it's gone down with other friends in recent years.
A girlfriend of mine planned on a VBAC. Prepared for it and when it came down to it, the baby didn't budge so an induction and ultimately another c-section happened.
Another friend was preparing and planning for the 'marathon of labor' and things went awkwardly awry and a c-section was scheduled.
This just shows me how often things do not generally go the way we would like them to.
It's just the way that it is.
I'm laid back enough to understand that and also controlling enough to want to have some kind of "plan" in place.
I've spoken to the people that matter about it - my husband, my doctor (who by the way is beyond supportive) and my father (the retired OBGYN).
All are in agreeance. If there is a way to avoid any type of bodily &/or baby trauma the best thing to do is go ahead and schedule this surgery.
Yes, my recovery is going to be long and uncomfortable.
I am fully aware of that.
Yes, it will be that much harder with a nine-year old and a husband and a new baby.
But I am up for the challenge.
I have prayed about it and I just feel this is best for both me and the baby (do I sound like I'm justifying?)
I'm sure there will be nay-sayers and those that I am close to me that will constantly rib me for 'not having a "real" delivery/birth experience' or for 'taking the easy way out' and to those I simply say.
You can suck it.
I often wonder why women get so up in arms about the process. How I choose to give birth is exactly that: my choice.
It's like being upset for how I choose to celebrate a birthday. And to me that is ridiculous.
A lot of women, from discussions I've been involved in, seem to feel that they are somehow not real women if they do not push a baby out of their bodily orifice. That somehow, and someway they are 'less than' if they do not "suffer" the perils of labor.
Who in the hell thought up that load of crap?
Yes, I get that we all like to get together and compare our war stories much like soldiers from a hard fought battle.
And giving birth (in any form) is a battle. A real labor of love if you will.
We have a hard enough time being mothers and working out the battle of perfection as it is. Can we not just accept that some people have different birthing ideas than others?
I'm not going to judge you if you want to give birth at home, in a pool, on video, with a doula or in a hospital.
So don't judge me for having two c-sections because the honest truth is my body cannot handle the perils of labor.
We tried it and it didn't work.
No need to revisit it. End of story.
I can only hope women will at some point, learn to stop judging one another and just learn from each others experiences - both good and bad.


Have you ever felt judged by another mother? How did you deal with it?

2 comments:

  1. Go girl! I'm a csection mama too, and if/when we have a #2 I will be doing a repeat csection. And for those people that think that csections are the easy way...HAVE ONE and then tell me different. Seriously. I'm not saying that vaginal birth isn't hard, because I know it is! But recovering from major surgery with a newborn to take care of sure as heck is hard too. Why can't we all agree that having a baby is hard, no matter how you do it? Always a competition I tell ya.

    You go, mama, for making the best decision for you and Baby Ninja!

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  2. I am so happy that you are in a place of peace in this decision. The only thing I would caution you is where I have had some trouble in the past. When people judge and give their unsolicited advice, don't get mad or defensive.(It took me a while to figure this one out.) Rest assured in the peace that God has given you in this decision. Some how they translate your decision as a comment on their life and that is what they are responding to. Let their opinions roll off your back. God, D, and you are in charge of this process. Enjoy your experience. It is yours and only yours. Love you. See you Sat!

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