Friday, April 8, 2011

right through you

Alanis Morrisette has a song called "Right through you" that I used to play the hell out of 
chorus:
I see right through you
I know right through you
I feel right through you
I walk right through you 
She's basically telling some guy that screwed her over that he is so transparent and fake she can see right through him.
And I dug that.
But now, when I think of being transparent - and people being able to see through me.....it has a different meaning.
I want to be transparent.
Not fake or phony.
I want people to see ME.
The real imperfect, clumsy, odd-ball, foot-in-mouth, sometimes funny, genuinely happy, makeup loving me.
I don't want to put up a false front or be surrounded by pretense that allows people to draw conclusions based on a brief encounter.
No - I want people to see me. 
And I want to see them.
I want to know about them where they are, where they were and where they want to be.
I sometimes struggle with that though - seeing people for who they are.
I think we all do no?
We see what we want, when we want.
We take the obvious and apparent and twist it to fit our perceptions and needs of what we want others to be.
I am curious by nature (some people would say nosy....I  would disagree) and I like to know about people but I've found that people don't really want to give up any information!
What's that about?
I feel like I'm an open book and I've got stories to tell!
And who knows -maybe someone might hear one of my stories and learn from my mistakes or be able to relate completely, you never know.
That's one of the things that drew me to blogging - all of the many wonderful stories.
Annnd because I'm nosy curious it's always interesting to me to see how other people live and cope with the day to day issues that we are all plagued with and blogging allows me to do that - technically so does Facebook but that persona is not usually who a person really is and is therefore unreliable- but through the blog-o-sphere I have learned quite a bit about others whom I thought I "knew" and others I may never meet.
And I think the same can be said about me.
Having said that, I still censor myself on here.
And I wonder why.
At times it has been to "protect the guilty/innocent" or "protect someone else's feelings" but honestly- there is a part of me that is afraid of being balls-to-the-wall honest and open .(probably not the best phrase but I'm on a roll here)
I have to be honest.
I have to be true to what's in my heart and on my mind.
If I am to ever be some kind of "real" writer - I have to not be afraid to write my truth. 
Even if someone else may not "like" it. 
Even if they don't agree with it.
It's my story to tell how, when and where I see fit.
Now if it will cause damage to another that I love - then I might censor things a bit but honestly, I'm kind of tired of that.
I would hope that if you know & love me you will take my words for what they are and address them accordingly.
But I digress - basically , I'm interested in the world around me.
My family, my friends, co-workers and clients......I am a chatty Cathy for sure but not because I like the sound of my own voice or think that I'm so amazing but because I want to engage people into opening up and revealing their true selves to me.
Inherently I have a strong sense of intuition and can tell when someone is going through something, even if they deny it as we are most often want to do, but I hope that by engaging them in conversation, perhaps regaling them with a ridiculous tale from my youth, in turn they will be inspired and encouraged to be open as well.
I feel like that is my role in this life...well that and to make people laugh which I enjoy to no end....but that's a whole other conversation.

The point of this diatribe is simple:
everyone has a story to tell they just need someone to listen.
I'll be that for you if you will do the same for me.
Deal?

1 comment:

  1. Amber! I love this!! I think many people don't give up too much information, because either they are afraid or they feel it might be one-sided. They may give up their info, but the other person might not be very forthcoming. Personally, I know this can be very frustrating. I much rather develop friendships and relationships in which both parties are willing to be transparent.
    "I'll be that for you if you will do the same for me." I'll take that deal! Love ya sweetie!

    ReplyDelete

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