Sunday, September 12, 2010

the drama that is my life!

That was going to be the title of my first book.
At least thats what I told myself as a teenager and even into my early twenties.
 because back then - my life was full of drama.
Not just my drama.
But everybody's drama.
What was happening to my friends was happening to ME as well don't ya know!?

And I would just duck when it all hit the fan and wait out the next storm.
Because if it wasn't one friend, it was another, or their roommate or the roommates cousins sisters friend.
It started out in high school when the drama of 1st period can wreak havoc over the rest of your day and continued well into college where there were just more girls, more cattiness and ten times the dramz.
Over the years though things seemed to have calmed down.
There would be little flare ups here and there but nothing so all consuming as to allow me to forget what was really happening.
And part of me just figured that the older I got, the less drama there would be.
Somebody liiiiiiiiied to me!
It's not anything like what it was, nor as bad as it could be but this past year has been full of it!
It reared it's ugly head at my Gramma's funeral and the months, weeks and days leading up to the wedding.
And I hate it.
For all involved.
It gets people fired up and stirs up feelings of unrest.
And for what?
No one wins when there is a SCENE and DRAMA rears its ugly head.
Where is this coming from you might ask?
Well - I have to be honest, it's been on my mind for some time.
Especially after the last year.
I think after this I went to a place of complete zen when it comes to conflict/drama.
I am not interested, I don't want to be around it and I don't want to be one to perpetuate it.
I just don't have that kind of energy to waste these days.

And I can quite honestly say that, in the past, I have been one to perpetuate and participate in it.
I was involved.
Even if it was not happening to me, I took it personally.
All of it.
Whatever "it" was at the moment.
Boyfriend stood you up and didn't call back? The nerve!
So-called friend stabbed you in the back? That B***h!
I'd let it get me so fired up that I would start to shake and my foot start tapping to a point where I cannot stop.
Talk about an adrenaline rush!!
I was quick to defend my friends and be the champion to the underdog!!
(never mind that most of them were dead wrong in most scenarios or some facts were conveniently omitted)

I have been doing a lot of writing
 (not just blogging but actual putting pen to paper type writing)
and reading of old journal entries and looking at who I used to be, where I want to go and all that introspective type stuff......and realized;
I allowed myself to get so caught up in 'the drama of it all' that I never really looked at what was the heart of the matter.
Thank God, I have since realized that I cannot live my life like that.
It's not healthy.
Been there done that.
No more thanks.
I think I am officially too old for it.


But I for sure have enough fodder for a book or two......heck maybe even a series!!

Keep an eye out for it!!

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