Tuesday, August 31, 2010

With Sweet Pea going back to school and the wedding over and done with I've kind of been sitting around like : well now what?
what am I going to take on next?
Obviously, the next question people ask once you've been married about a month "so when are you going to start having babies?" - seeing as how we already have one; no rush there.
but i will be honest: i have had babies on the brain for quite some time lately.
most likely because of the abundance of cuddly cuteness I am surrounded by.
My hair-dresser and sister-friend has an almost 1yr. old  I'm slightly obsessed with. 
 (don't you just want to squeeze him?)
(not to worry he totally hearts me too) and our other good friends the Pierre's have a little one as well with baby # 2 on the way!
And I have to admit - with Sweet Pea getting older I kind of want to have a little one around.
yes. I said it. and you can quote me on that.
I kind of want to have a baby. I'm really curious to see what he/she would look like and if they would be anything like Sweet Pea.
Obviously not right now, right now.
but in like a years time.
Which, if you know me at all or have known me in the last 8 years, is quite ......um interesting if not comical.
See for some time I was hell bent on NOT having another baby.
I had no desire to go through that again. And I'll tell you why - well at least the short version:
see we got pregnant when I was 22 and still in college. To say my parents were less than thrilled is putting it mildly. My mom was livid thinking I'd ruined my life, my brother was disappointed and my dad just threw up his hands. I knew we were having this baby but had no idea how we were going to take care of her or what we were going to do about my family and them being upset. Seeds of indecision and fear were planted.
Fortunately for me, the Lord provides and we can do all things ( Philippians 4:13) with Him. So He provided me with a wonderful set of "in-laws". They loved on me and my baby and took such good care of us.
But it was not without stress. My whole pregnancy was marred by distress of some kind on a familial level.
Then she was born. Mommy's little angel. Cute as could be and EVERYONE fell in love immediately.
But the feelings of inadequacy as a young mother, confusion about if I was doing the right/best thing and doubt about my relationship still lingered.
It took a while for all that to go away. I actually still have those feelings at times and am working through them (but that's a whole other post.)
And now here we are - 8 years later and I believe that I am ready to: 

  •  accept this gift of life that is being given to me wholeheartedly.

  •  forgive anyone who may have hurt my feelings while I was pregnant with Sweet Pea.

  • let go and just be a mom in the way the God intended
Having said that - I am going to put it out there: next year this time I would like to be pregnant with our next little bundle of love.
Yikes! 
But until then.......I will just love on all the cuddlebugs in my life until we are blessed to have another of our own

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