Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Blues for all the changes.........

That's the title of  one of my favorite book of collected works from Niki Giovanni
And somehow very appropriate for my life these last few days.
I know I promised pictures this week but Babe took the camera with him to Las Vegas on Saturday - and I did not discover this until late Saturday evening.
nice.
So this evening is picture time!
for reals this time.
pinky swear and all that.

the last two days have been absolutely crazy.
but oddly - I'm in such a ZEN place it hasn't really phased me the way it would have a week or so ago.
My god sister told me a few months ago
"Amb - the closer you get to the wedding. the crazier things/ people get."
I was like 'yeah right'. 
it CAN'T get any crazier than it has been.
I spoke to soon.
Sunday one of my bridesmaids and supposed 'friend' bailed out of the wedding on me.
12 days before.
Via text message.
After being asked repeatedly if she was okay with it and still wanted to participate.
but NOW she's out.
Umm, ok.
A week and a half ago - all hell would've broken loose.
I would've been crying and upset and HURT beyond all recognition......
BUT 
I have turned a corner in my emotional melodrama..........
When I received the text I glanced at it,
Shrugged my shoulders and kept it rolling.
When  another bridesmaid and  other friends called me alerting me to the FB drama.
I simply listened to their diatribe , interjected when necessary and went on about my day.
Partially cuz I was in the Valley and it was just WAYYYY too hot out there to be get myself all worked up.
And not to say that I wasn't hurt, upset, and confused.
I just simply did not have the energy or the desire to let it consume me.
none what so ever.
I have spent almost a year of my life planning this wedding.
details, details and more details.
who is wearing this
who is wearing that
who is sitting where
who is eating what
who is coming.........
invitations, crafts and craziness,
I have seen, heard, and been through it ALL
and there is no way we can please everyone.
Believe me - I've tried.
and if I try any harder or stress about it anymore
I'm going to PULL. MY. HAIR. OUT.
so I've opted to get more into a "ZEN" state of mind


And it's actually a good thing.
Words are a VERY powerful tool and you can do more damage with those weapons of mass destruction than you can with physicality.
and I know myself.
While I do not normally hurl words as weapons; I have a WICKED AWESOME vocabulary and can do some damage if necessary.
But I choose to pick my battles and in the grand scheme of things..........
this wasn't even a blip on the radar.
More like a car bomb in Baghdad than destroying the Embassy 
( if you follow my analogy).

Fortunately for me, things were brought to light that had been festering in the dark for sometime.
and although the timing sucks ; I would much rather know for sure how someone feels about me NOW rather than find out in a few months.
It sucks to lose a friend or finally have it confirmed that the frienship was pretty one-sided but there is a lesson in all of this.
What exactly I do not know just now.
But , I have a feeling that will be revealed to me in time.

In the meantime, in between time, my wounds are already scabbing over, proving the cut wasn't too deep and Babe and I are running around like crazy to get this 
"magical event" pulled together in the next 11 days.

I can't. wait.!!!!


how was YOUR weekend?


2 comments:

  1. Girl, I feel you! Our scripture reader bailed out the day before the wedding. In an "i hate you" awful kind of way. Yeah, the day before! And we had to just grab a friend basically and get them to the rehearsal in a few hours, but in the end, do I dwell that or shed a tear about it? No. Because that's not what the day was about! And so many wonderful things happened that makes the bad, stupid stuff not even a blip on the radar. So glad you have such a wonderful perspective :)

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  2. Wow...you are being very mature about this whole thing! I've recently been pulled into more drama than I EVER experienced in high school and I was pretty darn sure that by the age of 34 that crap would be WAY behind me. Boy was I wrong! It's funny because I told my hubby that I was going to approach the situation with a "Zen-like state of mind." And it's working. So, keep on keepin' on lady. And I cannot wait to hear about you big day!!!Q :)
    Mindy
    www.thesuburbanlife.com

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