Tuesday, February 16, 2010

time out on Tuesday

thought today I would take a little time out for relfection
it's only February and I feel like the year is zooming by already!
so much has happened and yet there is still so much to occur!
I'm feeling a bit introspective this week and that's a good thing as I have been SO outside of myself for the past few weeks it hasn't really felt like my life.
more like I was an active participant in someone elses life.
weird. I guess.
or I'm just going through something
all plausible explanations
Saturday was honestly the first day I've really felt like 'myself' the whole day.
there have been moments here and there but never really an all day thing.
I think because we were so focused on figuring things out and working together it forced me to be in the moment.
which is always a good thing.
and spending time at home. being still. enjoying my space is also a good thing
that I just haven't been doing much of.
busy little bee I've been. always flitting from one thing to the next.
kind of afraid of what feelings come along with me focusing on any one thing for too long.
Is that weird? 
that I don't necessarily want to explore the feelings I've been holding in/back?
honestly?
right now. it's too painful.
I have yet to 'fully recover' and am not sure that I ever will.
I know that I will 'get through' 
but when do I get to 'come out on the other side feeling better than ever'????
seriously.
I am OVER it.
this is not my 'norm' or my 'nature' to be blue, melancholy or 'down' but it has become my mental state.
and I am steady trying to shake it.
I have a lot to look forward to:
spring is in the air (at least in Cali)
my baby is turning 8 next month :0
we will have officially been engaged for a year next month on my BFF's 30th bday :)
and in 152 short days I will be marrying my other best friend!

so I guess not so melancholy afterall?

1 comment:

  1. Hey...I say, own your feelings! There's certainly no right or wrong timeline to follow when it comes to dealing with pain, there's just trust in yourself that you will get past it. You're right...you have an extraordinary year ahead of you and I have no doubts you will arrive ready and able to experience the joy for what it is. I'm praying for you! =)
    Mindy
    www.thesuburbanlife.com

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