my mind is all over the place right now and am having a hard time focusing on one subject.
And for those who aren't aware it is raining in California.
Yes, the place where it was once proclaimed it NEVER rains, is having a 'storm'.
I do that it quotes as anytime there is any precipitation, the news channels deem it a "storm watch"
and it's all the rage.
can't imagine what they would do if it snowed.
but I digress.
I have several things on my mind today.
My grandma for starters. she has not improved in the slightest.
And my mother left last Sunday the 10th as she was asking for her.
Basically, the hospice nurse said to start calling people and let them know it's about time.
My heart is breaking.
My mother is watching her mother suffer and languish.
and I know it's killing her.
but I have no words of solace to offer her as I am consumed by own selfish grief.
But I pray for her constantly.
May she be comforted knowing that SHE was there when my Grandma needed her the most.
I was talking to a friend of mine earlier about how Grandma's going to a better place etc.
And something dawned on me.
See my Grandma has always had a thing for angels.
she has a ton of figurines around the house, and gave me a doll several years ago when Sweet Pea was born to watch over her.
Well about 4 years ago my mom came back from a visit and had a box for me,
my grandma is notorious for giving away jewlery for no reason so I wasn't that surprised to receive something.
I open the box and nestled inside is a lovely silver angel hanging from a chain.
well about a year ago, I was taking the necklace off at home and the chain snapped!
It was a bit of a tragedy for me as I hadn't realized how much I relied on the chain
(just touching it was a form of re-assurance that someone was out there)
I put it away to get it fixed and forgot about it.
I desperately want to get this chain fixed now.
and while thinking all this it occurred to me.
Yes my grandma is getting ready to leave this world.
but she is going to a better place and I am NOT worried about her.
Not one bit.
I realize now that SHE is my angel and will always be looking down on me.
Whenever I feel lost,scared or unsure, I will close my eyes and feel her presence.
I will never forget all the wonderful laughs we shared and all the things she has passed on to me.
I was blessed with the opportunity to get to know this amazing woman and she has passed on to me a belief that things are better "on the other side" and that she will not leave me.
No. she will be a little harder for me to reach physically and I won't be able to call up and her voice
she will be there whenever,wherever, and for whatever.