a stand up lady

my mother spent the holidays in Ohio with my Grandmother who has been recovering from a bout of chemotherapy.
She's already had numerous surgeries and has gone through the chemo with flying colors
she hasn't made the "full recovery" her doctors were hoping for
she's been having dizzy spells along with pain throughout her body
Needless to say the entire family is concerned with her well being and the fact that she lives alone.
when my mother got there she was in the hospital due to some complications she'd been having.
she was able to go home the day before Christmas and 7 out of her 8 kids were there to greet her.
They had a lovely day of catching up, reminiscing on times long forgotten and just enjoying each others company.
The day she was released from the hospital the doctor spoke to my mother and her siblings.
He advised that her tumor had come back
and that at this stage he had no new aggressive treatment recommendations.
basically all they can do is keep her comfortable and let her rest.
she may have about 6 months or so left
when my mother told me that I was kind of expecting it but felt my heart plummet towards my feet.
I'm sitting her choking back the tears as I type this
I am so angry at myself for not having gone to see her this Christmas.
or for not having spent just two extra hours with her the last time she was here.
I'm also dealing with the fact that she most likely will not make it to my wedding.
that just breaks my heart.
I really wanted her to see this and I know how much she has been looking forward to this occasion for some time.
she is a good lady my grandma.
I love this woman fiercely and she has always stood by me.
one of the nicest/ kindest women you will ever meet
my memories of her run deep
as does my unending love.
she has been my inspiration of a true Lady
and how one should carry themselves
I have never heard her shout or raise her voice
but she always got her point across and the job done
she is a phenomenal woman
full of grace and sophistication
with a hint of rustic edge
her story is not yet over,
but reality is what it is
and this is something that I must face.
but I have to say -
I am dreading the day my phone rings and it's my mom on the other end
"Amber, I have to tell you something......"

this is not a woe is me post-
this is me and my raw feelings.
just rambling in my emotions.
please pray for her, for our family, for the next few months we have.......
thank you



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