back to work I go?

I have posted before how I am looking for a job.

I have been for some time

And as the summer draws to a close and I am STILL looking

I wonder:

Am I supposed to go back to work?

Truth be told, I have thoroughly enjoyed having the last year to be "just a mom"

or JAM as my friend Rachel likes to refer to it. :)

And a housewife.

Yes I was in school for 9 months working my toukass (sp?) off

but at the end of the day,

I was just Sweet Pea's mom - who helped out in the class room and read with the kids

I was able to focus more on my family

We have enjoyed more dinners

playdates and baked goods

in the last year than I ever thought possible

I enjoyed working.

but it was STRESSFUL

not that there's no stress in my "mom job"

because there is, the laundry won't wash & fold itself

there is no chef to prepare a homecooked meal

and there certainly isn't a maid to clean up after it all

(boy but a woman can dream can't she?)

But really its all for my family so I don't mind so much.

I worked for 3.5 years full time since having Sweet Pea.

I stayed home from infancy until she was about two, realized we both needed a change in environment

landed a job and enrolled her in pre-school/day care

It was hard.

I wasn't very much fun or attentive

I was tired all the time when we got home and we never spent any real time together

So when I decided to quit my job and go back to school

(another monumental life change)

I immediately assumed I would get bored with it and want to rush back into the work force

but I didn't.

And now I'm torn.

Financially, it would be very beneficial for me to work.

And its not for a lack of trying that I'm not.

I just haven't found the job for me.

With that said.......

I really love and enjoy being a makeup artist.

I have a flexible schedule and can pretty much do my job anywhere

I really want to work on MY business rather than work for someone else but it just doesn't seem possible right now.

So I am still in limbo

do I go back and work "for the man"?

or do I stay home and figure out a way to grow my business into something bigger and better?

I know that in order to do that I would need to take a few more classes and brush up on my technique for sure.

but then comes the issue of paying for said classes.

sigh.

what's a mother to do?

any thoughts?

anyone????

no really, anyone at all?